Oh, Behaaaaa-Austin Powers is an idiot [Randy]

Oh man.

This one totally backfired on me. Here I was, scanning my huge list of dirty words to do write ups on and I come to “Randy” (pun umm… unintended?) I thought: “Awesome! I bet there’s something funny here!”

Nope.

Turns out, that the Newfoundland definition to “randy” is the exact same definition employed wherever the English Language is used. Which means “sexy times coming up” or some such thing.

To which I say: BORING.

If you’re going to be a good Newfoundland word, I suggest actually being a Newfoundland word, and not a 10 year old Austin Powers joke.

[As I was posting this, my fiance informed me that "to go for a randy" means go for a drive, in her family. Post rescued!]

[I know that is a bad Austin Powers. That's the point.]

Protect yourself, before you scrub yourself…? [Rubber]

If you ever have a late night hook up and you are asked “Do you have a rubber?” I can assure you that you never ever, ever will. Okay, so you might have a condom, and if you’re awesome, you’ll have your rubber boots. (I mean have you ever met anyone who had a handy pair of rubber boots and wasn’t awesome?)

But will you have a piece of wood fastened on the outside of the gunwale of a boat? And no, your penis is not a gunwale, no matter how much you brag. And if it is, what are you doing fastening pieces of wood to it?

Now you may say “Wood is the complete opposite of rubber!” which isn’t quite true, but for the sake of argument, I’ll agree. However, this use of the word rubber is derived from the word “Scrubber”, which kind of makes sense, as this protective piece of wood would “scrub” or “rub” against things that make harm the boat.

I guess. I don’t know anything about boats. But rubber boots? I’m your man. I’m awesome.

Sick As A- Oh No You Didn’t [Woman Box]

Redundant? Yes. Because if you have a man box, you are getting into all sorts of trouble and/or surgery. See, a box is a colloquial term for a woman’s vagina. I suppose the crude analogy is “a thing in which you put things into”.

Of course it is mildly disrespectful, as a vagina is good for a whole lot more things: like giving birth, looking at, and not peeing out of. But I suppose you can put things in it, so it’s an accurate word in part. While medical science and identity issues are pushing the envelope, you can say that such anatomy is the realm of women.

So what is a woman box in Newfoundland? You don’t hear it much, as we have things like “the ambulance”. It is a wooden compartment on a sled, especially for sick people. You can trace back through, you guessed it, Newfoundland’s favorite sledding doctor: Sir Wilfred Grenfell, after whom just about everything in Newfoundland is named.

But his name is the least sexy thing I have ever seen, so I’ll end the entry now.

You Can Do It, Put Your Back In To It [Manus]

A clever word from the blogosphere to differentiate between bums of the opposite sex? The back roads answer to “metrosexual”? Nope.

Picture, if you will, dozens of gruff seamen packed into a ice breaker and whose only goal for the next month is to beat the ever loving shit out of seals. Club them to death with big long sticks. All alone, in the middle of nowhere, nothing but frigid winds and violence to keep them company. Not very pleasant. Now, picture said group of men very angry.

To describe their subsequent actions, one would need a word with oomph. A word that doesn’t roll well off the tongue. A word that alludes to grit and total abandon with articulation alone. A word that could be whispered in hushed conversation about truths we would never admit to knowing…

Yep, “manus” fits the bill. It’s a verb, and has a specific meaning. It refers to the mutiny of a group of sealers. So were they to disobey orders and refuse the continuation of a voyage, they would be “manusing”.

I would too, if all I saw for a month was a bunch of dirty old Manus.

Conservative Radio Gets Confused [Out]

“Out” has many definitions, but way back when, “out” meant “to Newfoundland from the British Isles” (where most of our ancestors come from). Alternatively it means “out to sea”, which I guess you would use once you are already in Newfoundland, as the first meaning wouldn’t make much sense. Seems a little out of date, as the British Isles have little to do with Newfoundland, and with less significance on the fishery, not many Newfoundlanders are out anymore.

Of course, to be “out” also means that you are not secretive concerning a homosexual orientation.

Homosexuals and Newfoundlanders have a lot in common. Both involve a certain amount of pride. Both have had trouble relating and being accepted in other societies. Both have distinct and identifiable cultures. Both have identifiable accents (that not necessarily all members exhibit). And while homosexuals have sex with members of the same gender, so do Newfoundlanders! The gay ones, that is.

Don’t Google This [Steamer]

Of the many, many, many new terms that describe sexual behavior and are created and distributed on a daily basis through the internet, few have gained the notoriety of the “Cleveland Steamer”. Don’t search for that, it’ll take you no where good. In the nicest way possible I will say (for those few who are not aware of it) that it involves poop and your partner and more than likely their chest. Too much information, I know.

I only bring this up to tell you that a steamer in Newfoundland is not this, thank goodness, nor is it what you would conventionally call a “steamer”. When I hear “steamer”, aside from the above, my mind goes to either a boat or train, both of which figure prominently in Newfoundland’s history. While we have been known to call these steamers, the term has also been reserved for something else. In fact, a steamer is the complete opposite of what you would figure, having no engine, combustion or otherwise. It is a horse drawn cart.

How unintuitive. And anti-climatic. Much like the Cleveland type. Unless you’re into it. If so, far be it for me to pass judgment but: yuck.