Apirl Golden Showers Bring May Flowers [Piss-a-Bed]

Peeing is not normally sexual. But it can be. If you’re into it. And if you’re into it, you’re probably doing it in bed. Which doesn’t make sense to me. Mattresses are a pain in the butt to clean and they’re expensive. So maybe they don’t pee in bed. Can I make it any more obvious that I don’t enjoy peeing on people, nor having people pee on me? I really have no idea how it works.

Logistics aside, Piss-A-Beds fit this blog. Because “Piss-A-Bed” is the secret Newfoundland spy code word for “dandelion”. They’re tenacious buggers, and we must speak in tongues around them, should they hear our plans for their extermination. Or maybe it’s just the pollen of Taraxacum officinale that makes everything yellow.

Or a bizarre side note, another Newfoundland word for dandelion is “Dumbledore”, which is completely irrelevant other than the fact that Albus Dumbledore was the only character sexualized by J.K. Rowling (outside of the books, albeit, but still the fact that he’s gay is part of canon, supposedly).

And now that I’ve confused non-Harry Potter fans (and shame on you), I’ll close out this post with: Hi, summer vacation is over and Sex and the Island is back!

Kids grow up so fast these days [Sally Sucker and Laddie Sucker]

Rumex acetosella, or Sheep’s Sorrel, is a common weed found through out… well… the entire Northern Hemisphere of Earth. It has hardly a quality that gives it value, except as a curdling agent for cheese, which I assumed just happened naturally, given… you know… that it’s dairy.

Well that’s not the only bit of value. It supposedly has a lemony, tart flavor and has been used as a flavor agent and garnish in cuisine. A tribute to this flavor is the name Sally Sucker, amongst various other Sally inspired names, as children in Newfoundland have been known to chew on the sour leaves. Not to be considered inappropriate (although I figure that point is moot after calling it Sally Sucker), there is a gender equal name: Laddie Sucker.

I’m sure visitors have never been confused by this.

Hey Baby, how you doing? [Aaron's Rod]

Rhodiola rosea (quoted as Sedum rosea in the Newfoundland Dictionary, but it is the same plant), or Roseroot is a widely distributed plant, fond of high latitudes and altitudes. It can be found from Europe to Asia and the North American Arctic (meaning of course it is willing to venture into the turbulent Newfoundland climate). It is a pretty ordinary looking plant, but it does have mood improving and depression alleviating properties.

Given this medicinal fact, you have to wonder who Aaron was and what kind of guy he was. Because in Newfoundland, Roseroot has been called Aaron’s Rod.

Chances are, though, if Aaron is a ladies’ man capable of making everyone feel alllllllright, he probably didn’t bring a bouquet of Roseroot. Kind of ugly if you ask me. But then again, he probably saved it for the bedroom.