Not Exactly Dirty #2 [Whirlygig]

Whirlygig is still a very popular word. Elsewhere, it sees use to describe devices that move in the wind. Here in Newfoundland, I’ve heard it used as a substitute for a word you can’t quite figure out just when you need it. Less innocently, it is also an old Newfoundland name for a torture device, a revolving cage of some sort. Nowadays, torture is just an hour or two meeting with Andy Wells.

However, it sounds very sexy and can be inserted into nearly any conceivable situation. Observe:

“Last night, the wife and I did the whirlygig.”

“I whirlygigged him so hard.”

“My whirlygig is some raw this morning.”

“Look at this position I found in the Kama Sutra. It’s called the Whilygig and… oh. I don’t think my legs bend that way.”

“Check out the whirlygigs on her.”

“Sorry I can’t help you move. I’m going to a Gay, Lesbian, Bi-Sexual, Transgender, and Whirlygig rally to promote GLBTW Marriage.”

See? Fits Perfectly.

Not Exactly Dirty #1 [Poltongue/Fall Tucker]

In my hours searching books, websites and reference materials for… well… dirty words, I’ve found no shortage, but there is a whole lexicon of words that sound dirty or close enough to being dirty without being explicit that there is no excuse for not exploring them.

And they came pretty darn close with this one. The two terms refer to the same thing, and both, excuse the pun, beat around the bush. A “poltongue” is intriguing, as poles and tongues get involved in sex just as much as anything else. While I know no reference to the verb or noun pole-tongue, it creates an explicit enough image. Which, I am sure, I need not draw.

What is equally as interesting is “fall tucker”, a mere four letters from what would considered the holy grail of this blog: fucker.

However, I bring this up because neither term, while dissimilar enough from each other, give absolutely no inclination to their true meaning. Which just so happens to be a smack or a kick. After finding this out, and I have no reason to believe this, but I really, really want a fall tucker to be the world’s greatest and most stupendous drop kick. It would only be fitting (allusions to Chris Tucker’s blockbuster series Rush Hour notwithstanding).