Oh, Behaaaaa-Austin Powers is an idiot [Randy]

Oh man.

This one totally backfired on me. Here I was, scanning my huge list of dirty words to do write ups on and I come to “Randy” (pun umm… unintended?) I thought: “Awesome! I bet there’s something funny here!”

Nope.

Turns out, that the Newfoundland definition to “randy” is the exact same definition employed wherever the English Language is used. Which means “sexy times coming up” or some such thing.

To which I say: BORING.

If you’re going to be a good Newfoundland word, I suggest actually being a Newfoundland word, and not a 10 year old Austin Powers joke.

[As I was posting this, my fiance informed me that "to go for a randy" means go for a drive, in her family. Post rescued!]

[I know that is a bad Austin Powers. That's the point.]

And what does “take five” mean? [Blow]

While working, if I told you “take a blow”, you’d either be confused or excited, and you would quickly make tracks for the back room or the Human Resources department. Fortunately (or unfortunately), no blow jobs are involved in taking a blow. It simply means to take a breather or break from the work at hand.

Unless, your coffee breaks do involve blow jobs. In which case I ask: Where the fuck do you work?

And are they hiring?

I kid, I kid.

Totally not updating my resume right now. Totally am not.

Scatman is Scat [Scat]

Scat has many, many uses. The most common definition, probably due to the plague that was Scatman John, is improvised vocals in Jazz. Also, according to dictionary.com it refers to “leaving hastily”. We’ll get back to this, but first I must tell you how it refers to sex, and you are not going to happy. Okay, here we go. Scat also refers to animal dung (oh no…) and has been adopted by a genre of pornographic movie that involves poop (no!). Yes.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way, the Newfoundland meaning of scat (also scad and skad, two much less saucy terms) is related to “leaving hastily”, but specifically to two types of weather: a snow or rain shower that comes and go rather quickly, or a thin layer of snow on the ground, presumably left by said shower.

And now I feel like I need a shower.

Making Out is Hard To Do [Make Out]

“Make” is a common verb, and as its foremost definition is something as general as “to create”, you’re going to see the word put to a lot of use. Combine it with an equally as common and useful word such as “out”, and you’ll have more than a single meaning.

For our purposes, to make out is to kiss in a prolonged and intimate manner. You know: sucking face, playing tonsil hockey, cleaning teeth, The New York Saliva Exchange, loved one’s dinner discovery, and the obsession of poetry-writing teenagers all across the emo-sphere.

At first, having heard it so much, I figured to make out in Newfoundland was to pretend. While this is the case, I am disappointed to find out that this meaning sees a much wider use. “Make out making out” is a real and understandable phrase, despite not being restricted to the Island. For sake of extending these type of sentences, as I’m apt to do, you can throw on another definition of make out: to see. “I make out someone making out making out.” Yes! But still not a Newfoundland expression.

Undaunted, I did some research, figuring there had to be something (because there usually is), and lo and behold, I found something. It’s not as fun, and unusually logical and sensible for a Newfoundland expression. It means to extinguish, such as a flame. Which, to bring us full circle, the complete opposite of what making out is suppose to do.

The Rod and Gun Club [Cock Shot]

Well, there’s nothing subtle about this one. Old spinsters and nuns: we would call this a man’s ejaculation.

Now, “cock” has been appended or incorporated into every bit of Newfoundland lingo. If you are dealing with a piece of Newfoundland culture, be certain that a few “cock” words will pop up (pun intended). In fact, given my surname (Hiscock) the matter is close to my heart.

So what exactly is a “cock shot”? To quote the Dictionary of Newfoundland English: “a target at which to throw a missile” as well as the throw itself. So if I said “I made a cock shot of my cock shot on her cock shot”, that would correct usage of all three instances of the term.

It’s also known as a cod shot, so if we replace the appropriate terms in the above sentence you get “I made a cod shot of my cock shot on her cod shot”. But then no one would know what you are talking about, in addition to the wild stares you’ll get by talking openly and graphically about your orgasms.

You Can Do It, Put Your Back In To It [Manus]

A clever word from the blogosphere to differentiate between bums of the opposite sex? The back roads answer to “metrosexual”? Nope.

Picture, if you will, dozens of gruff seamen packed into a ice breaker and whose only goal for the next month is to beat the ever loving shit out of seals. Club them to death with big long sticks. All alone, in the middle of nowhere, nothing but frigid winds and violence to keep them company. Not very pleasant. Now, picture said group of men very angry.

To describe their subsequent actions, one would need a word with oomph. A word that doesn’t roll well off the tongue. A word that alludes to grit and total abandon with articulation alone. A word that could be whispered in hushed conversation about truths we would never admit to knowing…

Yep, “manus” fits the bill. It’s a verb, and has a specific meaning. It refers to the mutiny of a group of sealers. So were they to disobey orders and refuse the continuation of a voyage, they would be “manusing”.

I would too, if all I saw for a month was a bunch of dirty old Manus.

Wherever You Lay Your Head [Alley Coosh]

If Alley Coosh sounds like something not-quite-innocent in the dank alleys of Water Street occurring way too late at night (or way too early in the morning), you’d be on the right track. If you encountered what you are picturing, you may go tell these morally corrupt individuals to “Alley Coosh!” Which seems redundant.

No, it’s not a public sex act. Alley Coosh actually means “go to bed”, which makes absolute sense, if you know the French language. Phonetically, it is identical to “aller couche”, which means “go to bed” in French. How convenient…

So whether you are telling them to go get a bed or crying out in shock by mis-identifying the act in progress, “alley coosh” is always appropriate when encountering people doing bad stuff in public. Unless they’re just smoking a joint, in which case they’ll alley coosh soon enough.

Hockey Fight? [Fist]

Here’s a double entendre in which the understood meaning, the sexual slang, and the Newfoundland use of the word all fall in line and kind of make sense.

Fist, the noun, is what you punch faces, walls, and other miscellany with. To fist, the verb, is to insert the entire noun into the rectum or vagina as means of sexual stimulation. The Newfoundland term, according to the Dictionary of Newfoundland English, is also a verb, and it means to grasp firmly.

After a little research, I’ve concluded that this is not a uniquely Newfoundland term, seeing “to fist” common in many dictionaries. But since it is in the Dictionary of Newfoundland English and is quite a vulgar term, I have included it here.

Also the fist in rock-paper-scissors is the Rock, which is also Newfoundland. Handy and unconquerable by any tools, Newfoundland has met its match constantly and consistently through papers. You know, the ones that various agreements and accords end up on. Totally irrelevant, but noteworthy all the same.

May God Have Mercy On Your Soul [Nunny Fudger]

This word is not quite dirty, but it conjures up enough images that it might as well be. I mean I’ve never known a nun to be known as “nunny” nor a nanny, which the equally dirty sounding nunny-bag implies. And well… if I tell you what I think “fudger” refers to, I may be struck down by lightning. Put one and one together… and crap. I just heard some thunder.

The true meaning of nunny fudger may be as despicable, especially if you work in human resources, teach in the secondary education system, own a small business, or a go-getter in general. A nunny fudger is an idler, ie: one who is uninterested in the task at hand in accordance with his/her own goals and comfort.

Now the true question is would popular independent St. John’s band, the Idlers, be more or less popular had they decided to call themselves the Nunny Fudgers? Hard to tell, really.

I’ve Fallen And I’m All Bazzom [Bazzom]

Not quite dirty but sounds and spelled enough like the dork mainstay joke: “Bazzooms”, presumably an exaggerated version of the more gentle “bosom”.

In fact, the word “bazzooms” has probably only been said by characters in mid-teen Friday night sitcoms so that they can say boobies without saying boobies. You know you are beginning to get old when you worry if a Steve Urkel joke will date you.

The Newfoundland term “bazzom” is a much more wonderful expression. To my mind it rhymes with “blossom” (another mid-teen comedy, yikes!), but if you want to correct me on this you may. It means blue or bruised, often both. So you could be bazzom coming in from the cold, you could be bazzom after falling down the stairs, and you’d be especially bazzom if you did both. Much like my generation would have liked Urkel and Blossom to have back in their heyday. Especially Mayim Bialik if only for creating the institution of the Blossom Hat.