In the Outhouse [Beaverwood Sewage Treatment Plant]

[Thank you all for sticking with the blog during the ever-so-brief hiatus. Back in action!]

In my younger days, we were always in search for drinking spot in the woods. Why? Besides the long standing tradition of minors imbibing alcohol in the sticks, I figure it is a nice bridge between childhood and adulthood. You have the wild adventuring of youth and the absolute drunken wreck of being an adult (at least this is what we thought adulthood was at the time: an excuse to drink all the time).

We found one particular place which we called Beaver Lodge, because in our drunken stupor, we had misread the name on the nearby Beaverwood Sewage Treatment Plant which is on the outskirts of Gander, located between the Anglican Cemetery and Walmart. Yes it stunk and yes it STUNK. But it was something to call our own, and we made quite the weekend home of Beaver Lodge.

And now it has come back to me because I write a blog about inadvertently dirty things in Newfoundland. Now naming a sewage treatment plant Beaverwood makes sense. You have the beaver, the great Canadian icon, and its favorite food. And since a sewage treatment plant cannot discriminate between either gender’s pee, you have to name the place after both sexes genitals: the woman’s beaver and the man’s wood.

Ah. Sewage treatment plants. Role models for an equal society.

Her Cookies Are Nice Too [Nanny's Hole]

If I told you that Nanny’s Hole was out by Twillingate, you’d probably assume that the town is filled with crazed sex perverts in a geriatric fetish cult. Now, not to dismiss the possibility because you never know, I’d say you be off the mark.

No, Nanny’s Hole is a cavern in the rocks accessible by sea. Supposedly it goes a ways under the hill. And what’s in there? Who knows? Not many have seen the treasures that Nanny’s Hole hides.

(God just called and confirmed my advanced booking for Hell.)

Now, information on Nanny’s Hole is not exactly forth coming, so if you have anything to add about the locale: andrewjhiscock [at] gmail [dot] com, or hit our Facebook group (link on the right)

What’s In A Name? Cont. [The Dildo Series Part 3]

A continuation of the previous installment in the Dildo Series, we continue looking at possible origins of the name “Dildo”.

Theory #4: Named After a Part of a Ship, a Long Metal Cylinder
This has come up a couple times in my research, but I can find nothing to back it up. I can find no part of ship named dildo, nor a long metal cylinder named dildo (well, only exactly what you would imagine. So until more substantial evidence is found, I will have to discount this one, as I cannot actually find what this theory describes
Probability: Unlikely

Theory #5: Named After an Old Word for “Chorus”
Some have said that it was named after a word used in a Shakespeare play, The Winter’s Tale, which refers to a chorus. Looking into this, I discovered that this may part of the origin of dildo as sex toy. The term, tracing back to a “back and forth” meaning would account for use in the context of a song (back and forth to a chorus) and to the use of sex toy (no explanation necessary). What does this have to do with the town? Probably nothing, but that’s par for the course in Newfoundland. Given its old use, this possible origin of the name escalates into serious contention.
Probability: Possible

Theory #6: Named After a Short Sword, On Account of the Shape of Dildo Island
I looked cockeyed at this theory. I can’t think of a short sword named dildo, and at first I thought it might be a subtle reference to the sex toy. But the island is very sword-like in shape, so I wanted to look into this theory. And I found a sword called the Bilbo. No, not Sting. The Bilbo sword originates from Bilbao, a Basque local in Northern Spain. In fact, it was celebrated for its sword manufacture such that “Bilbo” is found in Old English. As you can imagine, the internet is not very forthcoming in information regarding the Bilbo Sword that is not Tolkien base, but from what I can find, it is a thrusting sword related to the rapier and epee, both originating in the area of Europe as well.
Probability: Maybe

So where does this leave us? I figure that most towns have the one origin story and that’s it, whether it is true or not. But given the unusual name, many attempts to justify the name have come to bear, just as many as any other town were there a need. In the end, there is no definitive answer, and much speculation. I guess the final judgment is yours, whatever turns your crank. Which, I suppose, is the whole purpose of Dildo.

What’s In A Name? [The Dildo Series Part 2]

Newfoundland is no stranger to unusual and thought provoking names. Joe Batt’s Arm, Nancy Oh, Nicky’s Nose Cove, and Heart’s Delight (not to mention Heart’s Content and Heart’s Desire) all grab the eye and illicit a chuckle or two. But none seem as outrageous as the town of Dildo. It’s a simple name, and straightforward in so much that the town has the exact name of a sexual pleasure device.

Now if you’ve met any of Dildo’s inhabitants, you’d realize that it is an ordinary, albeit absolutely beautiful town. Beautiful, but not so much that it requires a name related in some way, shape, or form to the female orgasm. So where did this name come from?

There are many theories, and it’s hard to nail down one over the other. Dildo is located at the heart of Trinity Bay, and a stone’s throw from Conception Bay (how ironic). This region has had its fair share of visitors, from the Maritime Archaic Indian, Dorset Eskimo, and Beothuk to European fishermen hailing from Spain, France, Portugal, and England. And there just as many theories as to where the name came from. I’ve outlined six, three of which appear here, three more which will show up in the third installment of the Dildo Series.

Theory #1: Traditional Name For Rowlocks
The most popular theory, probably because it also originates with a common tool, although a much less sexy one. Dildos is the traditional name for two pegs on a dory that would lock the oars in place during use. An obscure and little thing to name a town after, but in Newfoundland we’ve named towns for less.
Probability: Very Possible

Theory #2: Name of a Spanish or Portuguese Sailor
Spanish and Portuguese names are not rare in Newfoundland, given the importance of both countries in our own History. To trace such a name back, changed a couple times would be nigh impossible, but after a little research it became a bit more likely that the town’s name originated in this way. The Spanish name Delgado or the Portuguese Do Rego show how a name like Dildo could have started. Maybe.
Probability: Maybe

Theory #3: Named After the Caribbean Dildo-Pear Tree
Why would a town in Newfoundland be named after an obscure plant on Antilles? Rum, of course! Newfoundlanders have had a centuries-old love for Caribbean rum, an oft sought commodity when trading salt cod down south. The origins of Caribbean rum in Newfoundland is as foggy as the name Dildo, but some trace it back 250 years, sometime prior to the founding of Dildo in the late 18th century. A couple things against this theory, however: the area was well inhabited back to the early 18th century, and the Dildo-Pear Tree, or Pilosocereus royeni, is a cactus that is obscure with no particular value (at least that I can find) to Newfoundlanders, especially those visiting for the sake of trade. And as far as I can tell, the name “Dildo-Pear Tree” hasn’t seen much use, although I suppose I can’t comment on fashionable expressions of the late 1700s.
Probability: Unlikely

Stay tuned for Part 3, where three more theories for Dildo’s name will be explored.

…And Drew His Cock On The Map [Map of Newfoundland and Labrador]

Everyone knows the shape of Newfoundland and Labrador. But have you ever looked at it sideways? No? You’ll find that our province is very anatomically correct.

The Island of Newfoundland rotated 90 degrees CW

And Labrador rotated 90 degreed CCW

Now I suppose there is nothing you can do about an island. It has its shape and that’s it. But Labrador has drawn borders. Seriously. Who looked at Northern Canada and drew his cock on the map?

Wait a minute… Andrew Hiscock on the Map?

Very funny guys.

The Further You Go, The Worse It Gets [Small Point-Broad Cove-Blackhead]

The Blackhead United Church, a very necessary institute

Are you kidding me? This is the perfect sexual innuendo trifecta. Three towns aligned south to north in Conception Bay (!!!!!!!)

As you are heading away from the Trans Canada Highway on Route 70, you’ll hit these three communities one after another, beginning with Small Point, a land of embarrassed men and mournful wives. After which, you’ll hit Broad Cove, where the woman are reportedly referred to with offensive slang. Oh, those Broad Covians.

Next you’ll get to Blackhead, and I’m not sure what happens there, but I have an idea. I will say that only one participant is black, because if it were referring to two black people, you would probably just say “Head”. But since there is mention of “Black” it is safe to assume that there is contrast in the act, meaning interracial. Now, I’m not sure whether the African American is giving or receiving the oral sex, or whether the party in question is male or female. I suppose that’s a matter of interpretation.

Kind of a sexy spot for Canada’s first Methodist Church. Well it’s no longer there, just a memorial, so I guess that makes sense.

“We named our town after what? Let’s get our Church out of here!”

Oh yeah, there’s an Adam’s Cove in there too, the most northern town, but I couldn’t get it to be sexy enough. Sure it’s named after a guy who never wore clothes, but by the time you get there, that’s pretty benign.

Princess Leia and Dildo (Not Quite Slash Fiction) [The Dildo Series Part 1]

Ah. Dildo. Perhaps the greatest inspiration for this blog, and as you see above, this is only the first part of our discussion of Dildo. With all the craziness in Newfoundland language and geography, why does Dildo get all the attention on the late night talk shows, magazines, the internet, drive time radio shows?

My theory is this: of all the words that refer to sex and everything connected to it, very few have expressed singular definitions without room for double entendres and coy references. Dildo being one of them. A dildo is a fake penis used for pleasure and there’s no getting around that. Unless you count a town in Newfoundland, near Conception Bay across the way from Spread Eagle (each of which will receive their own blog entries in due time).

Instead of starting from the top and looking at the word, I want to introduce to you an article as introduction to what I will from now on call “The Dildo Series”.

A couple years back, Carrie Fisher (aka Princess Leia and little else by my reckoning) and Meg Ryan were in Newfoundland, and Carrie penned a travel article for none other than the New York Times (Screech and Tell @ NYT). The article is much as you would expect, describing the beauty, people, etc of Newfoundland, blah blah blah. But the article initially focuses on the Town of Dildo and how absurd Princess Leia and posse found the name. After all the souvenirs, they left kind of underwhelmed by the town, barring the scenery and pleasant folk. And then they go elsewhere, which seems to be much more fun.

The whole point of The Dildo Series will be as a counter-point to Carrie Fisher’s article. The town is much more than it’s name and once you get past that, there is a lot more of the story to tell.

Not to mention South Dildo, Upper Dildo, and Dildo Run of course. So not only do we have a town named Dildo, we have three and a provincial park.

So keep an eye out for future articles.

Not Available In Stores [Nuddick]

They don’t make nuddicks like they used to.

I’m not sure whether to read this as “New Dick” or as “Nude Dick”. I suppose for the purpose of this blog, either way is fine. I just have trouble deciding which is funnier. On the one hand “Nude Dick” seems redundant, as any discussion about dick implies a sense of nudity, otherwise the term would exist as common language (as well the opposite, a “clothed dick”, if you will). But then “New Dick” gets into surgery and/or magic and/or transsexuals.

Unfortunately, neither applies and its actual meaning is rather pedestrian. A nuddick and its variation of neddick means a small round hill. Maybe that’s why they wanted a nuddick.

A small round hill is also known as a knob, but since many things are known as “knobs” in Newfoundland, we’ll get to that word in due time.