Oh, Behaaaaa-Austin Powers is an idiot [Randy]

Oh man.

This one totally backfired on me. Here I was, scanning my huge list of dirty words to do write ups on and I come to “Randy” (pun umm… unintended?) I thought: “Awesome! I bet there’s something funny here!”

Nope.

Turns out, that the Newfoundland definition to “randy” is the exact same definition employed wherever the English Language is used. Which means “sexy times coming up” or some such thing.

To which I say: BORING.

If you’re going to be a good Newfoundland word, I suggest actually being a Newfoundland word, and not a 10 year old Austin Powers joke.

[As I was posting this, my fiance informed me that "to go for a randy" means go for a drive, in her family. Post rescued!]

[I know that is a bad Austin Powers. That's the point.]

Protect yourself, before you scrub yourself…? [Rubber]

If you ever have a late night hook up and you are asked “Do you have a rubber?” I can assure you that you never ever, ever will. Okay, so you might have a condom, and if you’re awesome, you’ll have your rubber boots. (I mean have you ever met anyone who had a handy pair of rubber boots and wasn’t awesome?)

But will you have a piece of wood fastened on the outside of the gunwale of a boat? And no, your penis is not a gunwale, no matter how much you brag. And if it is, what are you doing fastening pieces of wood to it?

Now you may say “Wood is the complete opposite of rubber!” which isn’t quite true, but for the sake of argument, I’ll agree. However, this use of the word rubber is derived from the word “Scrubber”, which kind of makes sense, as this protective piece of wood would “scrub” or “rub” against things that make harm the boat.

I guess. I don’t know anything about boats. But rubber boots? I’m your man. I’m awesome.

And what does “take five” mean? [Blow]

While working, if I told you “take a blow”, you’d either be confused or excited, and you would quickly make tracks for the back room or the Human Resources department. Fortunately (or unfortunately), no blow jobs are involved in taking a blow. It simply means to take a breather or break from the work at hand.

Unless, your coffee breaks do involve blow jobs. In which case I ask: Where the fuck do you work?

And are they hiring?

I kid, I kid.

Totally not updating my resume right now. Totally am not.

The Bitch and Dogbody is Back [Bitch]

You could fill an entire Newfoundland recipe book with cakes made of “flour, pork fat and molasses”. Why? Because that’s all early Newfoundlanders ate, apparently. Oh, and every recipe in said cookbook would be fucking disgusting.

Hence the name of one variation: Bitch and Dogbody, a cake that is so gross, I guess that had to give it two stupid names.

So why is it on this blog? First, I’ll turn you away from dogbody, because that’s weird and gross and weird. And gross. Unfortunately, the word “Bitch”, while also a name for a female dog and derogatory name for women, it is as good as any word in sexual lexicon, or sexicon, as Product of Newfoundland has coined. I figure it is a product of male dominance and male fantasy fulfillment in pornography. Alas, those ideas are too smart for this blog so we will promptly avoid them.