Rinse and Repeat All Night Long [Clit]

Shaved because of a few clits. Oppression under patriarchy, or sensible pet hygiene?

Clit is most commonly known in the English language as a shortened version of “clitoris”. For those men who have not done their husbandly duty and learn a little about the needs of a woman, the clitoris is the most sensitive organ on a woman’s body, a found a little ways up from the vaginal opening.

Clit, on the other hand, is a Newfoundland term for “tangle in the hair”, not to be confused with other types of tangles sex can get you into, soap opera style.

Of course the Newfoundland term “clit” can refer to the female genital area as well, but let’s hope that no one has to go through that. Ouch.

Princess Leia and Dildo (Not Quite Slash Fiction) [The Dildo Series Part 1]

Ah. Dildo. Perhaps the greatest inspiration for this blog, and as you see above, this is only the first part of our discussion of Dildo. With all the craziness in Newfoundland language and geography, why does Dildo get all the attention on the late night talk shows, magazines, the internet, drive time radio shows?

My theory is this: of all the words that refer to sex and everything connected to it, very few have expressed singular definitions without room for double entendres and coy references. Dildo being one of them. A dildo is a fake penis used for pleasure and there’s no getting around that. Unless you count a town in Newfoundland, near Conception Bay across the way from Spread Eagle (each of which will receive their own blog entries in due time).

Instead of starting from the top and looking at the word, I want to introduce to you an article as introduction to what I will from now on call “The Dildo Series”.

A couple years back, Carrie Fisher (aka Princess Leia and little else by my reckoning) and Meg Ryan were in Newfoundland, and Carrie penned a travel article for none other than the New York Times (Screech and Tell @ NYT). The article is much as you would expect, describing the beauty, people, etc of Newfoundland, blah blah blah. But the article initially focuses on the Town of Dildo and how absurd Princess Leia and posse found the name. After all the souvenirs, they left kind of underwhelmed by the town, barring the scenery and pleasant folk. And then they go elsewhere, which seems to be much more fun.

The whole point of The Dildo Series will be as a counter-point to Carrie Fisher’s article. The town is much more than it’s name and once you get past that, there is a lot more of the story to tell.

Not to mention South Dildo, Upper Dildo, and Dildo Run of course. So not only do we have a town named Dildo, we have three and a provincial park.

So keep an eye out for future articles.

A cock saved is a cock earned [Save-cock and Smallcock]

The fact that smallcock and save-cock are related terms seems a paradox. Why would you want to save-cock a smallcock? Forgive me, that was a misuse of the term, as save-cock is not a verb but a noun. But if it were a verb that’s what you would do.

According to the Dictionary of Newfoundland English, a save-cock is a large heap of hay, while a smallcock is, you guessed it, a small heap of hay. And that’s why you save-cock your smallcocks.

Now, would you combine your smallcocks in a save-cock on a nuddick? I guess that depends on how confident you are in your manhood. Those nuddicks can be kind of unreliable.

Not Available In Stores [Nuddick]

They don’t make nuddicks like they used to.

I’m not sure whether to read this as “New Dick” or as “Nude Dick”. I suppose for the purpose of this blog, either way is fine. I just have trouble deciding which is funnier. On the one hand “Nude Dick” seems redundant, as any discussion about dick implies a sense of nudity, otherwise the term would exist as common language (as well the opposite, a “clothed dick”, if you will). But then “New Dick” gets into surgery and/or magic and/or transsexuals.

Unfortunately, neither applies and its actual meaning is rather pedestrian. A nuddick and its variation of neddick means a small round hill. Maybe that’s why they wanted a nuddick.

A small round hill is also known as a knob, but since many things are known as “knobs” in Newfoundland, we’ll get to that word in due time.

Don’t Settle For Anything Else [Cocksettle]

I’ve gone cocksettle a few times, and I would imagine many others have as well. In fact, I would say that nearly everyone has gone cocksettle at one time or another, regardless of sex or sexual orientation. Millions of people around the world go cocksettle daily.

No, it’s not marriage or a long term relationship. Of all the things that cocksettle brings to mind, “falling over” or “turning a somersault” are not amongst them, but that’s what it means.

Alternatively, cocksiddle means the same thing. A slight variation on it, cocksdiddle, has also been used, but I’m pretty sure that only refers to adolescent boys discovering themselves.

Paul McCartney Notwithstanding [Wad]

To find the sexual definition of “wad” you needn’t go further than the most vulgar pornographic website you can find. Or a college dorm room, but if you’ve been in one of those you’ll find very little difference in the two.

Outside of referring to a man’s ejaculate, I’ve always known wad to mean a small portion of something soft or a big pile of money, which online dictionaries confirm. But in Newfoundland, as usual, the term gets bandied about in kind of similar in way, in so much you can vaguely see how it came to use.

A wad, according to the Newfoundland Dictionary refers to “a considerable amount” and uses a “wad of seals” and “wads of fish” as examples. Given the economic potential of a seal hunt and fishery, you can see the connection. Online dictionaries back this up, but list the use as informal.

And I don’t think they were selling seal penises to East Asia in the 1920s, so we can discount the sexual reference. Thank goodness we’re still clubbing seals, because were we to use guns, then everyone would be talking about “shooting wads” and I don’t think that is necessary.

Newfoundland’s Greatest Little Man Complex [Joey Smallwood]

“No, really, it’s this big.”

Joey Smallwood is the most famous Newfoundlander who is not famous outside of Newfoundland, eliciting blank stares once his name is dropped on the mainland. He is a controversial figure considered equally hero and villain. You can’t throw a Bald Coot without hitting a biography weighing our population’s opinion of him so I won’t go into that.

I will say that whether you love or hate him, Newfoundland as it exists today wouldn’t have been possible without Joey Smallwood. He was a founder of the Confederate League that supported Newfoundland joining Canada in the 1948 referendum that ultimately led to Newfoundland becoming the 10th province of Canada in 1949. He then became Premier of Newfoundland for 23 years.

I will say this about his motives to join Canada: was he truly concerned with economic prosperity, or was he trying to compensate for his surname by joining the world’s 2nd largest country?

I bet he drove a big ol’ truck too.

Makes you think…

Don’t Google This [Steamer]

Of the many, many, many new terms that describe sexual behavior and are created and distributed on a daily basis through the internet, few have gained the notoriety of the “Cleveland Steamer”. Don’t search for that, it’ll take you no where good. In the nicest way possible I will say (for those few who are not aware of it) that it involves poop and your partner and more than likely their chest. Too much information, I know.

I only bring this up to tell you that a steamer in Newfoundland is not this, thank goodness, nor is it what you would conventionally call a “steamer”. When I hear “steamer”, aside from the above, my mind goes to either a boat or train, both of which figure prominently in Newfoundland’s history. While we have been known to call these steamers, the term has also been reserved for something else. In fact, a steamer is the complete opposite of what you would figure, having no engine, combustion or otherwise. It is a horse drawn cart.

How unintuitive. And anti-climatic. Much like the Cleveland type. Unless you’re into it. If so, far be it for me to pass judgment but: yuck.

You Shaved What? [Bald Coot]

Melanitta perspicillata, or the Surf Scoter as it is more commonly known, is a fairly well known sea duck that breeds in northern climes, namely Canada and Alaska. It’s aquatic nature brings an inevitable connection to Newfoundlanders, which means an inevitable saucy name.

It has been known on this island as the Bald Coot, which doesn’t exactly bring the image of a duck to mind, especially not a bird. So if you’re out and about, and someone talks about Bald Coots, don’t get your hopes up. Alternatively, if it’s late at night and you’re in a bar in downtown St. John’s, you needn’t discuss the Western Europe distribution of the Surf Scoter during winter, if someone mentions their bald coot. Just a tip.

But then Surf Scoter doesn’t sound all that innocent either, come to think of it…

Updates, additions, questions? Email me at andrewjhiscock [at] gmail [dot] com

Watch Where You Step [Steppy Cock]

Warning: Steppy Cock Should Be Only Performed By Trained Professionals

Ice pans or ices floes are a common occurrence in Newfoundland. They are chunks of sea ice that fill a harbour or bay, brought in by currents and dragged out by the same. Of course, the first thing a child wants to do is jump from one to another, making their way across the open water.

This happens to any number of harbours, and in Newfoundland, there’s usually a town filled with children to capitalize on it. These days, what with overly cautious parents, the practice is becoming rarer (and if you’ve seen it, you can understand why). I have heard stories how it was done for kicks as well as a short cut to the opposite side of town.

I would venture to say that there as many names for the activity as there are harbours for the ice to fill, but one is of particular interest to our purposes: Steppy Cock. A rather colorful and painful sounding name. Perhaps it was named after what it felt like to fall into the frigid waters? Or maybe derivative from another sexy, but much more apt name, Cocky?

While I can’t pinpoint the origin, it is still in use, with the Dictionary of Newfoundland English citing an instance in 1973 and a 2005 novel by Michael Winter, The Big Why, also cites the game (p. 96), although the events of the novel take place in the early 20th Century.

Do you have more information or a correction? Email me at andrewjhiscock [at] gmail [dot] com